Self Evolution
What is the purpose of your life? What should one do to feel fulfilled and successful? You must have pondered over these questions a zillion times without returning answers. The questions are genuine and so must be the answers. Let’s delve a little deeper into this quest. Scientifically, life evolved just like that and the flow of the life goes on its pace without fear and favour to any of us. The purpose of my life is actually to govern this pace and use it to my advantage. We can choose to surf this pace or be overwhelmed by it. The choice is ours completely to make. The definitions of success and fulfilment more or less depend on whether I can handle what life throws at me or not and do what I want to do with my life.
I choose to work in the well rounded realm of Energy, emotions and communication with my coachee. This threesome determines the quality of my mind and thus my life. While I cannot change much the outside conditions, there is a lot that can be changed inside me to make the most of the events around me. Allow me to take you a little deeper into the three realms.
Also read : Reasons for responsible for all kind of Emotional Hurt/ imbalance and how to cure them
Energy
What is the self composed of in any living being
Physical– Body, my health and resources needed to sustain the body includes food, family, society, money etc. This is my physical quotient.
Energy – managing the life force in the body that circulate in the body through my breath. This quotient helps me to focus and target my life force pointedly at a pursuit. This is my energy focus quotient.
Mental – my value system, these are principles that I abide by for living my life and how I apply the value system practically in my own life and in social settings around me. This is my belief quotient.
Emotional – how well I understand emotions and feel connected to myself and to others. This is my emotional quotient.
Spiritual – what lies beyond me and this small planet that I inhabit? What kind of cosmic intelligence runs this show? Is there something beyond me? This is my faith quotient.
The fact is that all these aspects remain in the unconscious realm for larger part of my life. Unless I own up the responsibility of these 4 aspects separately and consciously work on them. I may keep feeling something was amiss in my life. These 4 aspects are like 4 wheels of the car. These 4 parts need to be aligned in one direction for the car to be running at its optimum. Each of the quotient form one part of me and it’s obvious that none of them can be ignored.
Emotions
Emotions are nothing but energy in motion. These originate from- as well as guide and direct the belief quotient, emotional quotient and the spiritual quotient in a circular way. These are impulses to act. The emotions are a part of our survival mechanism which evolved over years of existence. Fight and flight being the two most basic emotions ingrained in the body. Happy, sad, Anger, disgust, fear and surprise exhibited by babies and animals are the core emotions. As the higher intelligence developed in human beings the emotions developed to a range of impulses to act. Compassion, gratitude, joy, depression, lonely, serene, pensive, discouraged, inadequate are just a few in the widest range of emotions that humans can feel.
The eternal conflict between the emotions and logic, the heart and the mind has held a human captive many a times. The decision making becomes a task as the blind rush of emotions take over. Many a crime has been due to an incontrollable gush of emotions. Many a discoveries and life saving miracles have also happened for the same reason as above. The trick here is to notice each emotion for what it is, realise/ understand the impulse to act ingrained in that emotion and then very consciously choose the action. The idea of being emotionally literate is not to allow the emotion to overtake/ overwhelm you. Only when one can look at the emotion and then decide the response in awareness can we say that we are emotionally intelligent or literate. As a friend, I can help you bring an awareness of your own emotional reactions and then slowly and steadily turn them into emotional responses. This would lead to more control over self and situations leading to a better quality of life.
Communication
I choose to break this word into two- “common union”. The idea of communication is to arrive at a clear import of the words or gestures used in an exchange. The communication happens through these 3 levels at all times whether we realise it or not :
- Tonality of my voice
- Body language or non verbal cues
- The word that we use to convey
The fun part is that for most of us all three are impulsive and unconscious outputs. Our communication is at best and most of the times in wrong tone of voice, we are not at all aware of our body language during the conversation and the words just topple one over another without us really realising as to what are we saying vs do the words convey what I want to say?
If I want to communicate the exact import/ intention behind my words to the other, I shall have to be aware of all the three factors and very consciously choose my tone, nonverbal cues and my words. Even after all these there are chances that the intention or the message of the communication goes amiss.
The idea of communication is when the other gets my message clearly without multiple interpretations. The fact of the matter is that we cannot not communicate. It’s best to be able to bring the process of communication under conscious control.
These 3 factors of energy, emotions and communication once done with awareness can bring about a lot of sense of clarity and purpose in life. The missing piece falls in place as the pace is not overwhelming now; in fact it’s I who can govern the pace of life for me. Do give this chance to yourself. Connect, rewind, relearn and evolve to a better self in this journey called life.
Reasons for responsible for all kind of Emotional Hurt/ imbalance and how to cure them
The current times are very tough for all of us. The pandemic and the loss of normal feeling of life is not helping any one. The loneliness is getting deeper and tougher for quite a few of us to handle. There are jobs lost, relationships broken, depression getting the better of us.
Lets delve into what causes the emotional hurt to occur and then to deepen to an extent where we are ready to do self harm. Our brain still works on a primitive reaction of “Flight and Fight” response as a first reaction. It’s only a few seconds later that the higher emotion regulating and sense making parts of the brain can step in. The important part is how quick we can make this connection.
The oxygenation of the brain is a vital aspect of this connection. The brain uses a lot of oxygen when it processes the information. Any kind of exercise routine is good to have for a healthy brain. There is though still an important factor which is still missing. That is our conscious responsibility towards our own emotional health. For all of us who want to do that please read on.
After having worked with so many youngsters and elderly over these years and helping them understand and heal the space of emotions, this is what I have to share. A range of emotions can form in us- fear, guilt, betrayal, anxiety, anger, pain emotional or physical for majorly two reasons.
Also Read: How Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) helps to accept change and respond?
Expectations from self and others
Ah! Have we not all heard from us saying-“ oh but I expect my husband/parents/society/child/friends/office people/ etc to do this for me and it needs to be done like this.
We expect a few things from our selves also, when you say that I really need to do all this work in the week/ I really need to buy that car this year/I have to learn this Tech course to make a progress now.
In both these cases you are expressing an expectation but there is a major difference in the two.
The first case can lead to a lot of disappointment, feeling of being unloved, inferiority/ superiority complex due to feeling of inadequacy for self or from the other. What is important to understand is that expectations are like playing a ball with self or the other. If you want the ball of expectation to be caught for sure, it has to be in a way that the ball is not missed .The trick in the expectations is to realise your role in it. Expectations need to be calibrated strongly with the inner self. If these come from the artificial layer of conditioning, they can be very damaging to the emotional health.
It’s effective though to be like a small child and do what you do from a space of innocence means you give happily whatever you can offer to the other and receive happily what the other can offer to you. If this part is difficult than it simply means a hurt inner child that is finding difficult to give and receive with an open heart. Either the inner child is too possessive or he is too demure – both could lead to issues of expectations not fulfilled with self as well as with others. In such case through various ways the inner child is accessed and healed to be in better touch with self.
Disconnection with self
The most major reason for all kind of problems in life and expectations is disconnection with self. When this happens, we give our control naturally away to the other or the outside. An often quoted quote- “An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship“. The negativity of the world or any one can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.
These holes are what happen in our ship when we are not in touch with our deeper layers of existence. There are many ways and techniques available to do this. Emotional empowerment is a process of getting in touch with my deeper self. I live with one person all my life for sure and that person is I-myself. Sadly we have been trained and bred to live with the society but have hardly any clues as to how to live with the self. Allow me to help you with this eternal connection. This can be done provided you are committed to live with yourself a happy and fulfilled life.
Once this part is done , life can be a journey to be enjoyed.